I'm so scared of dying through miscarriage I can not sleep?

I lost a baby due to a miscarriage, and I've Just come out of hospital for the third time, I am bleeding, I know it's to be expected, but I have lost so much blood I have had to have treatment, I got a massive infection, and after internal after internal the aftermath really looked like a horror movie, ive woken up saturated in blood, and tbh, I'm trying to survive on an hour a day sleep, in which I make my amazing boyfriend check on me, I feel like I'm dying, and I have two boys to live for, they are only small, I'm also afraid I will leave my beloved in this world. I know people will say go to hospital, but I've just left there today, and according to doctors they can't check my womb via scan as they can't tell the difference between clots and products of conception (last time they checked I had 18mm remaining. I am so sore, tired, upset, fed up, feel like a failure, I'm petrified of dying, I love my kids and boyfriend more than anything, and I'm scared to lose them...I can't go on like this, it's like I'd like to sedate myself until I am okay, if I'm okay...? I'm heartbroken, weak and weary, it feels like I'm fighting to survive, with no energy, a stronger person would feel, que sera...but I'm terrified of heamorraging and never waking up...